The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
