Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
NoShamevember. You game?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
