Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
