I need to stop coming to work sober
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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