I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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