i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
