Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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