don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
