Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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