people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
