i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
