he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
