Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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