i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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