I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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