why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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