he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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