So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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