I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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