Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
