The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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