cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
