The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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