I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
