I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
