FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
