I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
is it fun? or sober?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
