And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
