Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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