Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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