They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
