ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
