it wasn't lemon gatorade
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
