Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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