help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
