Old men and throwing up are my life now.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
