I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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