I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
