I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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