Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
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