to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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