A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
