was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
