I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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