Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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