i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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