whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
