do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
