whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
