so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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